The lofty vibration of soul mate love often bypasses our rational and logical thinking. It is a soothing balm that speaks to our innermost being. In this way, love is intuitive, as it is through our intuition that we can recognize the impulses of the soul.

Your Intuitive Love Type

We all use our intuition in relationships, even when we are not aware that we are.  We may call it chemistry, gut feelings, a quivering of the heart or a simple knowing. There are four main ways that we all naturally intuit.

An emotional intuitive receives energy information primarily through their emotions. A mental intuitive intuits through their thoughts and ideas. A physical intuitive absorbs energy information through their bodies while a spiritual intuitive receives energy through their energy field and spiritual sensitivities. Knowing your intuitive-love type will help you to better develop your intuitive awareness for use in relationships.

Intuiting your Soul Mate

Your intuitive love type will assist and guide you in tuning into a potential soul mate connection. Your spontaneous intuitive responses can provide you with much needed clues as to your deeper connection with another.

For instance, in the presence of a soul mate, the physical intuitive will experience undeniable physical attraction and chemistry. They will likely feel surges of physical energy and they may need less sleep, eat little, enjoy exercise and have loads of physical stamina. With the increase of higher vibration energy moving through their physical body, they are likely to feel as if they can accomplish any task or goal.

The mental intuitive will feel what is called “peak” mental experiences. They will be able to spontaneously understand the meaning behind past perplexing situations and relationships. With intuitive insight into the big picture, they have a sense that everything in life is just the way it is meant to be.  Feelings of gratitude for past struggles and unsuccessful relationships, will surface as they become aware that these conditions were necessary lessons on their path to their soul mate.

The heart of the emotional intuitive will open wide and they will experience the full emotional spectrum of love. They are likely to experience deep feelings of love, not only for their soul mate but also for the disgruntled employee at the grocery store, the stranger that asks for a hand-out or the relative that has always been difficult. Soul mate love will inspire the emotional intuitive to love everyone and everything. Compassion, forgiveness, and kindness flow freely from them and they cannot contain their joy. The paradox of loving a soul mate is that the love becomes too big for just two people. It embraces the world.

Even after first meeting, a spiritual intuitive will feel as if they have known a soul mate forever. The spiritual intuitive may have seen their soul mate in their dreams, in a vision or mediation and they are likely to have experiences of déjà vu with him or her. They will have an inner knowing that they have been predestined to meet this person and that they can now go about the business of fulfilling their soul purpose and mission. Soul mates inspire one another to transcend self absorbed focus and become a light of love for others.

Every Relationship has a Purpose

It is important to keep in mind that soul mates do not always love us the way we want to be loved. Instead, they love us the way that we need to be loved, for our healing, growth and ultimate bliss. Soul mates often bring to one another differing perspectives, opposing view points and become a mirror for our strengths and our weaknesses.

Every relationship that you are in is important. Each one provides you with an opportunity to heal old wounds and learn more about love and forgiveness. The universe supplies us with endless possibilities to experience love and connection. Even if you are not in a true soul-mate relationship every person you encounter is preparing you for the full experience of love.

Soul mates are never in short supply. It may be necessary that you interact, with and love many people during your life.  We sometimes forget that the soul learns through pain and disappointment as much as it does through the lofty feelings of happiness and joy. All we experience is food for the soul. Cherish your relationship misfortunes and disasters. They are the deep, rich tilled and composted soil that the seed of soul mate love may need in order to grow, sprout and come into full flower. Even when a relationship “fails” you do not have to.

Don’t try to outguess the wisdom of love. Trust that there is a higher plan at work and a purpose for every relationship that you have been in and will be in.

Author of the bestselling Discover Your Psychic Type and Love and Intuition, and her latest book to be released in March 2012, The Miracle Workers Handbook: Seven Levels of Power and Manifestation of the Virgin Mary, Sherrie Dillard has been a pastoral counselor, professional psychic, medium, and teacher for over twenty years. She has taught classes and workshops, both nationally and internationally, on the life-enhancing aspects of intuition development. She has been featured on radio and national television for her work as a psychic detective.  www.sherriedillard.com, sgd7777@yahoo.com

- Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr

Today at 2:03pm EST, the planet Neptune moves into the sign of Pisces. The last time Neptune transited the sign of Pisces was from 1847 until 1862 (with the exception of three months last year before retrograding back to Aquarius). Neptune will remain in Pisces for 13 years.

All the planets are always “in play,” but the reason astrologers talk so much about planets changing signs is that with the change of signs, comes a change in energy. The personal planets (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars) move quickly and change signs frequently.  Their energy affects us on a personal level.

The outermost planets – Uranus, Neptune and Pluto move through the signs SLOWLY and bring about long-lasting, global change. (Jupiter and Saturn do a little of both personal and global transformation.) Pluto was in Sagittarius from 1995 until 2008, when it moved into Capricorn. Pluto will remain in Capricorn until 2024. (It was last there from 1762-1778!)

Pluto is the “great transformer” and it moved into the sign that rules business and money, in 2008. See any connections? Economic meltdown.

Uranus moved from Pisces into Aries last spring, on March 11, 2011. It will remain in Aries until May 15, 2018. (Uranus was last in Aries from 1928-1935.)

Uranus is the rebel of the Zodiac and known for bringing about sudden change. Aries is the warrior. See any connections? The Arab Spring. The Occupy Movement. World-wide protests.

To add to this mix, the sign of Capricorn, where Pluto is residing, is SQUARE, the sign of Aries, where Uranus is residing. This means they are at odds with one another. In conflict.

Now, here comes the “ice-giant” Neptune, ready to further shake things up by transiting into a new sign. This transit of Neptune into Pisces is extra special, however, because for Neptune, Pisces is home.

Each of the planets “rule” a specific sign of the Zodiac. Uranus rules Aquarius. Pluto rules Scorpio. When the planets are in other signs, it’s like they are traveling in a foreign country. The planets are still themselves but they have to communicate through a different language and culture. While the faster, personal planets take marathon sight-seeing trips through the Zodiac, these outer planets rent an apartment and settle in for a while, becoming a familiar part of the neighborhood. But, eventually, they return back home, where they can once again speak their native language. If you are multi-lingual, you know that it’s usually easier to express yourself, and especially to express difficult concepts, in your native tongue. It’s the same for the planets. In their home signs, they are the most powerful.

So, we’ve established that Pluto is transforming the economic system (and stodgy traditions too) and Uranus is busy screaming through the megaphone, tweeting and sleeping in tents. What’s Neptune going to add to this chaos?

Surrender.

We all have Pisces in our astrological charts. Those who have their sun, moon, rising sign, North Node or South Node in Pisces, though, feel a constant call for surrender. A call to dissolve the ego and merge with Universal Consciousness.  To be One with All That Is. Thing is, depending on your culture and religion, you may not understand your “calling.” The ego likes itself – a lot, and will fight dissolution. If you have no frame of reference for what’s going on, it can be a freaky experience. So, many people with strong Pisces enter the dark side of the fishes – escapism. A Pisces can reach great spiritual heights. She can also easily become addicted to drugs or alcohol. Or, watch tv excessively. Sleep too much. Play video games all the time. Instead of facing reality, she avoids it. Some of these activities can, briefly, give the illusion of “merging” with the Universe. They, unfortunately, can also destroy more than just the ego.

During the next 13 years, the entire world is going to feel this call to dissolve and merge. You will feel it too.  This is an amazing opportunity – one that hasn’t happened in 150 years! – for Spiritual growth. But, as always, we must take advantage of this opportunity, and be present with ourselves, to avoid entering the “dark side.”

Being the studious, air sign that I am (Sun in Aquarius, Moon in Capricorn), I study the ego through Buddhist texts and the works of Eckardt Tolle. I’ve already noticed a recent increase in my formal meditation practice.

What should you do? Spirituality is a unique experience. You may attend your church, mosque or synagogue more frequently. Read the Scripture more. Pray more. Listen to classical music. Stare at a running stream. Do nothing with diligence.

If you are already highly spiritual and/or have psychic experiences, take care to GROUND yourself regularly (daily). Your senses will be heightened, and Neptune in Pisces could send you floating off into the ether like a helium balloon!

Try this “standing meditation” from Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Wherever You Go, There You Are

Standing meditation is best learned from trees. Stand close to one, or better still, in a stand of trees and just peer out in one direction. Feel your feet developing roots into the ground. Feel your body sway gently, as it always will, just as trees do in a breeze. Staying put, in touch with your breathing, drink in what is in front of you, or keep your eyes closed and sense your surroundings. Sense the tree closest to you. Listen to it, feel its presence, touch it with your mind and body. Use your breath to help you to stay in the moment…feeling your own body standing, breathing, being, moment by moment.

Try standing like this wherever you find yourself, in the woods, in the mountains, by a river, in your living room, or just waiting for the bus. When you are alone, you might try opening your palms to the sky and holding your arms out in various positions, like branches and leaves, accessible, open, receptive, patient.

I end with a quote by the Indian mystic Ramakrishna (18 February 1836 – 16 August 1886), who had both his Moon and Mercury in Pisces, and who was appointed a priest during the height of the last transit of Neptune through Pisces: 

All troubles come to an end when the ego dies.

February is African American History Month in the US. Today is also Groundhog Day in the US and Canada, and the largest Groundhog Day celebration is held in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. So, for today’s woman of the week, I chose an African American woman from Pennsylvania!

Sadie Tanner Mossell Alexander

A native Philadelphian and life-long champion of civil rights and equal opportunity for all, regardless of race or gender, Sadie Tanner Mossell Alexander was a leader in the legal, political and civic arenas of her day. Among her many “firsts” was her place as the first African-American woman to enroll in the School of Law at the University of Pennsylvania and earn the juris doctor degree. She was also a wife and mother and an unlikely comic book hero.

1898 – Born Jan. 2 in Philadelphia to Aaron Albert and Mary Louise Tanner Mossell.

1916 – Graduated from M Street High School in Washington, D.C., and entered the University of Pennsylvania.

1918 — Completed her undergraduate program at Penn and was awarded a bachelor of science degree in education with senior honors.

1919 – Earned a master of arts degree in economics at Penn and was awarded the Francis Sergeant Pepper Fellowship in economics, which enabled her to study for her doctorate.

1921 — Became the first African-American woman in the nation to earn a Ph.D. in economics. Her dissertation was “The Standard of Living Among One Hundred Negro Migrant Families in Philadelphia.”

1921 – Was elected the first president of the Grand Chapter, the national organization of the African-American sorority, Delta Sigma Theta.

1921-23 — Worked as assistant actuary at the North Carolina Mutual Life Insurance Company in Durham, N.C.

1923 — Returned to Philadelphia where she married Raymond Pace Alexander, the brother of her good friend and sorority sister from undergraduate school, Virginia Alexander.

1924 – Became the first African-American woman to enroll in Penn’s School of Law, where her father Aaron Albert Mossell had been the first African-American to graduate. She was also the first African-American woman to serve as associate editor of the Law Review.

1927 — Became the first African-American woman to earn a law degree at Penn, pass the bar and practice law in Pennsylvania. Joined her husband’s Center City Philadelphia law firm, specializing in estate and family law.

1927-31 — Became the first African-American woman to serve as assistant city solicitor of Philadelphia.

1936-40 — Served her second term as assistant city solicitor of Philadelphia.

1943-47 — Became the first woman to serve as secretary of the National Bar Association.

1946-65 — Served as a member of the Philadelphia Fellowship Commission.

1947 — Appointed to the President’s Committee on Civil Rights by President Harry S. Truman. The committee’s report, “To Secure These Rights,” served as the foundation of the civil-rights movement in America and was the basis for future civil-rights policy decisions and legislation.

1948 — Named Woman of the Year in “Negro Heroes,” a comic book published by the National Urban League in conjunction with the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority.

1949 – Chaired a special committee of the Fellowship Commission set up to ensure that a new city charter would include provisions guaranteeing equal treatment and equal opportunity in the city’s administration.

1952 – As chair of the Fellowship Commission committee, drafted a section of the Home Rule Charter of 1952, calling for the formation of a Philadelphia Commission on Human Relations.

1959 – Opened her own private law practice after her husband was appointed judge in the Philadelphia Court of Common Pleas, the first African-American to serve in this position. A quarter of her practice was dedicated to civil and probate work, while the rest of the time she focused on domestic relations, divorce, adoption and juvenile care.

1974 – Was awarded her fifth degree at the University of Pennsylvania, an honorary doctor of laws degree. This was the first of seven such honors by colleges and universities around the country.

1976 – Retired from the active practice of law but joined the firm of Atkinson, Myers and Archie of counsel.

1978 — Was appointed chairperson of the White House Conference on Aging by President Jimmy Carter and charged with addressing a range of social and economic needs of the elderly.

1989 – Died Nov. 1 at age 91 after having been recognized, in her last decade, as one of Philadelphia’s leading citizens.

Source: http://www.upenn.edu/almanac/v49/n02/sadie_timeline.html

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Catherine Anderson

My favourite mistake was getting married at the tender young age of 19.  I had led quite a sheltered life and my prince in shining armour came to save me.  Ha ha!!

It was the early seventies and the big “back to the land” movement was happening.  My “prince” had just come back from a trip to one of the last frontiers, Northern British Columbia in Canada.  He talked of this remote and beautiful land and how one could still buy a piece of land and homestead for cheap.

So, I jumped on board.  We planned to work through the winter, save money and move the following summer.  In July, 1973 we married and set off on our adventure and tried to figure out where we’d set up home.  We bought an old truck from one of my Dad’s friends and outfitted it for camping.  The first leg of the journey took us to the southeastern part of the province called the “Kootneys”.  It was beautiful but we still had other places to search out, and we headed to the Caribou.  We traversed the long and difficult road into the remote valley of Bella Coola.  It was also gorgeous but not too friendly.   The people weren’t happy about outsiders.  We enjoyed the terrain of Bella Coola but decided it wasn’t ready for us.  We got back on the highway and drove north, landing in the outstandingly beautiful Bulkley Valley.  It was here that we ended up buying our forty acres of bush, and thus, began our life together.

I left the marriage at around year 24 and have been on another journey.  This was my favourite mistake because I received my two wonderful sons and now four little grandsons.  I had a wonderful opportunity to grow and learn.  My ex instilled a lot of learning into me.  One of the greatest lessons was to be frugal with money, save for things and NO DEBT.  This has been invaluable to me, and I thank him for that.

It was hard work to be a mom, a back-to-the-lander, to grow all our own vegetables and live in the country, but one I will never regret.

Kelly Beversdorf

On Friday I would have said my favorite mistake was moving to Arizona last winter for a job working in an art gallery. I could have sworn the Universe was answering my plea to free me from my mundane life living at home with my parents, working in a boring unstimulating 8 to 5 job as a temp, and not to mention the freezing cold winter weather of Cincinnati, Ohio. If I told you the story about how I went on vacation to visit friends for my 30th birthday, talked to a gallery consultant for 10 minutes, half-heartily gave him my contact info, ate their cheese and drank their wine, you would have been convinced it was DEFINITELY my BIG BREAK when the same gallery consultant called me one month later with a job offer. I dropped everything in my life to move 1,800 miles away – away from my problems to a better life right?!

Twenty-eight days after I moved from Ohio to Arizona, I was laid off. I had to get out of the apartment lease I had signed just two weeks before; cancel the Internet I just got hooked up; sell the brand new mattress my brother negotiated for me through his job; call my parents to tell them to NOT drive out to give me my car they just spent $500 on to make it road trip ready.

After all that drama and returning back home to all my problems and personal hell, only then did I realize what my mistake was. I wasn’t listening to my guide, my inner voice. I was too busy following my old patterns of asking for others advice and following it blindly instead of thinking for, and trusting, myself. I can go over all the red flags the Universe threw my way saying “Hey Kelly, yes, this is a great opportunity but have you really thought it through? Do you really want to work for these people you NEVER met?” It’s funny to look back at how the Universe was giving me options to bail out. Other job offers came in but I just ignored them because I wanted OUT OF MY PARENTS’ HOUSE. Come hell or high water I wasn’t going to be a grown 30 year old woman living with her parents. (I would like to have sex again before I die ya’ know.)

While this journey was a hard and a painful kick in my ego’s ass, as a result, I spent all spring, summer, fall, and even today, learning to trust my inner voice and guide. I took intuition classes. I finished getting my Reiki Master Certificate. I learned and discovered some of my darkest tapes, that had been lovingly recorded by my ego, just running wild in my mind. I discovered how to incorporate the information in my astrological natal chart (thanks to Jennifer Shelton) to work in my favor. I got so much love and support from my friends and family.  That love and support was food for my soul – my starving soul – a soul that would do something so desperate as to jump without even looking to see if there is water underneath her feet, or just a bunch of rocks. I am definitely sure this was an important mile marker in my soul’s contract or plan. This experience wasn’t a mistake like my ego would like to make it out to be. This is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my 30 years of living my life thus far.

Last weekend I went on a retreat called: I-N-C-R-E-A-S-E YOUR LIFE!  I am honored to have been asked by the host (who is my Reiki Master Teacher) and by my very dear friend Lois Giancola, to do Reiki for the other participants who wanted it. Since I’m working on gaining experience and building my Reiki skills/intuition and building my business, I saw this a great promotional opportunity.

To be honest with you, I didn’t expect to discover that my manifestation skills rock. The major thing I came away from this retreat with, is total amazement in my own inner power and strength in my own thoughts. Yes, it’s scary but it is wonderful. I would say that no matter how much my ego wants to label things as mistakes I’m going say, “No ego, it’s an experience and a chance to experiment with my power to create my own reality.” If I don’t like something – like working at an art gallery with people I don’t enjoy being around, but I love the desert, that is okay. I’ll just tweak my vision to create what I do want, and keep tweaking until I get it just right!” I hope all your “mistakes” turn into wonderful creations that will only enhance and improve your reality for yourself! I’m grateful for my “mistakes.” How about you?

Mel Horrod

I can still remember it so well. I had drunk five bottles of Beck’s beer. I had only smoked about five cigarettes since my friend Kerri and I had left her house at 9.30pm to go and get the bus which took us into town and to our favourite Tuesday night haunt. The club was called The Honey Club and it was (maybe still is?) owned by a famous English DJ. The night was called Happy Tuesday and we went every week. However, this week I was feeling so rough. And it was only 11.30pm. We normally only left at closing time at 3am. However, this night I just had to make my excuses to Kerri and beat a retreat home to my parent’s house. I was twenty-one and had been living back with my parents for about a year after my partner and I had split up and decided to never see each other again. Well, that lasted about three weeks, and we were still tentatively trying to work out what we wanted from each other.

The next day, convinced I had some sort of killer virus, I took myself to the Doctor’s surgery. He smiled at me; I’d known him years. He said, “Well, I just don’t know. We’ll send you for some blood tests….. one last thing: How are your periods?” Periods? Well, they were just fine. I was on the pill and had been since I was fourteen. Just to rule it out, my GP did a pregnancy test there and then. He was shocked when it was positive. He said I must have had a stomach bug or something that made the pill not quite effective. I left with a buzzing noise in my ears and went straight to the chemist to get myself a damn pregnancy test. I went home, did it, and cried. I phoned my mum who was at work. She cried. I had to tell my partner and, when I did that night, he cried too. In fact, he cried a lot.

After that, things were a bit of a daze. I knew I was going to keep the baby. I had to tell my friend at University that I wouldn’t be flat-sharing with her come September, because I would be hugely pregnant by that point. I had to put up with my partner’s mother phoning me and waxing lyrical about how she couldn’t criticise me because she too had stupidly got pregnant at fifteen. I didn’t like the fact that I would now always have a link with these people I didn’t particularly like. I had to decide what I was going to do about the Business Studies Degree course I was on. I had to decide how I felt about my partner and how he felt about me.

When I look back now I can see that H, my son, being born was totally inevitable. My GP decided in the end that some contraceptive pills don’t work for some people. I formed my idea that contraception is not something to take lightly. If you are having sex then you have to accept the consequences which can come along. I was secretly deeply unhappy on the Business Studies course too and it was totally not the right thing for me, and I needed a jolt to get me to admit it to myself and heave me off that path.

It wasn’t in any way, shape, or form the easy thing to do. We have had many years totally without money despite both of us working and studying hard. I’ve been forced to rely on childcare and unwanted advice from my ‘inlaws’ and this is without the constant challenges that caring for children bring. However, it made me come into my own as a person. I decided that I had spent a long time struggling to try and get out of a relationship that I kept going back to. We’ve now been together for fifteen years, give or take, and I know that we have many more years ahead of us, despite both struggling with lack of self-confidence.

The absolute best bit, though, has been that I’ve got to know my son. He is a challenge but he is also a joy to know and being a parent has totally changed my outlook. Gone is the twenty cigarette (oh, okay probably forty on bad days) a day habit and a lot of the self-sabotaging behaviour that I used to practice with due care and diligence. I have learned how to cook from scratch, make my own play-dough and sing songs with actions. Having kids makes you creative all over again too. Along with my daughter who came along four years later, I don’t regret my mistake for a second. I do think that mostly we learn from our mistakes anyway and move on. It’s all we can do. Keep ourselves in the present and moving forward.

 Sandy Galiano

Without a doubt it would be writing and self-publishing my book, Umbrellas In The Rain: A Decade of My Rainy Days and Making Sense of the Nonsensical To Find the Woman I Am and Love.  Coincidentally, the book itself contains many of mistakes in my early adulthood. The reason I love having written this raw and edgy masterpiece is it represents who I was in that particular decade.

Raw, real, and edgy are the three words I used to describe my art. The proof of it is in the Adult Content Disclaimer I had to add to the book. The nature of the book is my natural journey including all the dirty things nobody wants to talk about.

Enough of my book for a moment. More importantly I am addressing the importance of revealing truth as it pertains to each individual. For example, I’ve recently been in contact with Chrissy Harmon, creator of Clueberry World, a program created to explore the mind with a visual masterpiece. What impressed me the most was in her recent blog where she reveals how her husband almost killed her, followed by her “raw” video thanking those who have written to her. No makeup, hair tied back, stitches on forehead visible, as was the black eye. Her truth at that particular moment was not “pretty,” and I love how she didn’t hide it. To me in her video she was stunning because she radiated her true self. How often it is so many hide behind a closed curtain only to show themselves once hair, makeup, and their lines are ready to go.

Life and living life isn’t being what everyone wants us to be or what we think we should be for those around us. “Being authentic” has been around for some time. Workshops and lectures have been created to free yourself from living in the fake unnecessary bubble. It is very clear to me as I connect with more people with the same passion for life that the next step is to unleash what burdens us. At first there may be hesitation due to shame of revealing what has happened, but in revealing our truth we magically make shame and feeling like a victim go away.

Yes I made many mistakes and many have read about it. I have also had many readers thank me for being so honest. Admitting, accepting, and having the courage to get through our tough times is the connection we seek. To be fair there are still people who wish to keep things simple, knowing your name, what you do for a living, if you are married, and how many kids you have…nothing else.

My book of mistakes is my favorite mistake.  In truth, it took two years to put together, and I let it sit for several months after it was finished. On April 23, 2011, my beloved black labrador, Shadow, passed away, breaking so many hearts in my family. He was very sick and the night before we put him down, I cried with him on the floor afraid I would wake up and find him dead. He was extremely sick yet he still managed to comfort me or follow my dad around or greet family at the door. Even as he took his last steps from the waiting room to his room he was himself. I believe he knew what was going to happen. I will never forget his inner strength to continue to be the loving friend (family member) in spite of his physical pain. The day of his death I vowed to not hide myself and learn what my Shadow taught me. I had to be me. He SHOWED me there are no good times and bad times, rather the time in our life.

Sylvia van Bruggen
Playful Soulwork – Play your way to a joyful life!

I love making mistakes. Making mistakes comes with walking this awesome path I am on. I do stupid things. I falter. But every time I do, I know that I will get up and be stronger.

I didn’t always feel this way, though. There are plenty of mistakes that made me feel a plethora of emotions, sometimes such shame that I got red to the tip of my ears. One of my mistakes lasted for years. It is now my favorite.

I rolled into being a network administrator by pure chance. I simply applied for a job. They had one computer, an IBM with two 5 1/4 inch disks and an amber monochrome screen. After a while, there came more computers, and I became the go-to tech girl.

My job took me to great heights but I was truly unhappy. I really didn’t fit in with the IT crowd, but I loved working with people and helping them fix their problems.

Then it was 1998 and I was done. I had developed a severe case of RSI and my body just said, “no more.”

My favorite mistake landed me into sick leave and all of a sudden I rediscovered myself. I discovered my love for writing. I began to create art again. I rekindled my love for writing poetry and thanks to a writer’s block, I discovered play, which now is my path in life.

Through my mistake I learned what the absolute opposite of the work I love to do is. I still am happily geekish, but that’s all that I want to keep with me from the job I once did.

I am who I am thanks to my mistake.

Kim Laroque
Muse in the Valley – Northward Bound

The last thing I wanted to do was walk to his house and beg him to come back to me; to convince him that we were good together; because I knew it wasn’t the truth.  Yet, in my insecure attachment, I went anyway.

This was the ending of a very good story. A story of how, in a moment of whimsical lust, I ended up with my favorite mistake.

In late 2004, I was entering the neighborhood bar as I usually do on the weekends the children are at their father’s.  I sat quietly, alone, drinking my beer in this empty place, thinking to myself, “It’s going to be an early night. Nobody is here!”  However, I loved my “free” time so I sat at the wooden table on the wobbly chair and had a beer while perusing the crosswords.

He sat not far from me, drinking his beer, watching me. Our eyes met a few times and then he came to my table.  We started off talking about the weather, I guess. I mean we live in Canada, and in Canada weather is the first thing one talks about with a stranger. I do not remember the rest of our conversation only that I was already mesmerized by this man and wanted to get to know him more.

We decided to take a walk after the 3am last call.  He walked me home, and I didn’t want to leave him yet, so we sat on the wooden stoop in front of my house and talked. Somehow my head ended up on this shoulder right after his arm went around mine.  We sat in silence.

The next day, he called and invited me to his house to “hang out.”  I showed up promptly on time, not realizing that girls should be late –  just a little.  We sat in his room, and listened to old 80’s tunes. Then all of a sudden the world spun abruptly making me feel 15 years old (although I was almost 39 and him 45) We went back in time for the whole evening,.listening to Toto and Frozen Ghost. With Africa playing in the background, he kissed me and butterflies fluttered and hormones raged. It was time to go home.

For 6 weeks after that night, when I was with Ian, I was a teenager.  He was a magician, a musician, a rock and roll star!  He played piano, and his eyes lit up like a 7 year old when his fingers touched the keys. He was also troubled, drunk, and far from someone I wanted to bring home to my parents!  Yet I continued to see him a a regular basis. And oh, the feeling I felt when he said one evening, “Wanna be my girlfriend?”  OH YES!!!

We partied for almost 5 weeks straight. I was having the time of my life. And the sex!! It was amazing!  Of course, my favorite mistake was a Scorpio (like me), so we understood each other on a passionate level so much so that we were just crazy about each other.

But what begins fast, ends quickly too!  One, day, after feeling his detachment for a week or so, he brought me into his kitchen and told me it was over – that he wasn’t good enough for me; that he wasn’t good enough for my children; and that he would just wreck my life!  Of course I was in denial giving all the made-up reasons of why we WERE so good together and that we could make it work.

For days, and maybe even weeks, I sat at home listening to his music and crying my eyes out. How could this be? I was having so much fun!

One morning, on MSN, he messaged me that he was out of coffee.  Being the kind person I am, I went to the grocery store and walked 10 minutes in the cold freezing air to bring him some. This was the day I begged for our “relationship”!  I cried so much that he started to feel sorry for me; however, that did not deter him from pushing me away.

When I walked out the door to go back home, I quoted a scene from my favorite movie, Love Actually. I said out loud, “Enough! Enough now.”

My favorite mistake was Ian, and I will never forget how, for 6 weeks, I felt carefree and wild.  He brought this out in me.  I am woman. I am free. I am allowed to have fun!  However, I also learned that I am worthy, and loveable, and I do not need to beg for love when the love I have is right inside of me.

When I think of Ian today, I always have a huge smile of my face.  He may have broken my heart for a week or two, yet he left me with a sense of self that can never be taken back.

It’s been 29 days since you made those New Year’s resolutions, intentions, goals or whatever you might have set on December 31st.  How are you doing?

They – not sure exactly who “they” are – but anyway, they say that within a week of New Year’s Eve, 95% of resolutions have already been broken.  Are you the 95%? If so, that’s ok. You have lots of company.

Let’s say you are the 95%. I have a question for you.  Did you set yourself up?  Did you set a resolution there was no way you could make?  For example, let’s say you resolved to run everyday.  But you hate running in the cold and you live in Michigan.  Oops.  Not a great resolution.

Or maybe you wanted to eat salad everyday for lunch.  But you live someplace where lettuce in January is anemic looking or non-existent. Hmmm. Do you see how you might have set yourself up for failure?

That’s ok.  You don’t have to wait another 335 days to do it right.

Let’s face it, New Year’s resolutions are arbitrary. It’s a single day on the calendar. Sure it marks the passage from one year to the next. But in reality, January 1 is no different than March 10th or August 1st. Except maybe for the temperature.  And that’s the point here.  We make resolutions in December that often would be far more appropriate and easier to accomplish in April.

Why do we do that to ourselves?  Because we are often more comfortable in our discomfort. It’s like the old saying: “the devil you know versus the one you don’t” (or the one you forgot about). Or more pointedly, there is something you really like that you would have to give up if you changed.

For instance, maybe if you were more confident about your body, you would attract more attention to yourself. For some, that’s a really uncomfortable idea.  You are more comfortable with your anonymity, and you fear you would have to give that up.  I know this can feel icky, but until you uncover these hidden barriers, any resolution you set is bound to fail.

Don’t fret. It’s only January 29th.  How do you escape this pickle you put yourself in a few weeks ago when you set that unrealistic resolution?  Sit down with paper and pen and contemplate the following:

First of all, determine what it is you want to achieve. Let’s assume, by way of example that you want more energy.

Second, ask yourself why you want more energy.  I mean ask it and really answer it.  List all the reasons you want more energy.  For instance, you want to travel to Greece this year and you want the energy to explore every nook and cranny of Santorini. You want more energy so you take a daily walk and talk with your girlfriends again. You want to be able to play with your kid more. List them all.

Next ask yourself what will those things do for you.  Let’s say you start walking with your girlfriends again.  That might make you look and feel better. That might give you more confidence.  Maybe more confidence gets you noticed at work and you get a promotion. A promotion gets you a raise. And so on.

Fourth, ask what holds you back from having all that you want.  Maybe you don’t have the time to cook.  Or you don’t have the time to exercise.  You have kids to feed and a house to keep. Maybe it’s just your own lack of inertia. Dig deep and list all the barriers you can think of.

Next ask what is it costing you to not have more energy.  Remember that raise you’ll get if you have more confidence.  Or how about the money you will save if you start cooking.

Then really ask yourself how important it is for you to solve this problem. If it’s only minimal, then you’ll never take action. If it’s an 8 or more out 10, then sit down and sketch out an action plan. What can you do to get more energy?

Finally what are you going to need to be successful?  If you think it’s willpower, you’re wrong.  Willpower never solves anything. Instead, resolutions are successful when you have a good plan, support, accountability and you take action daily.  Those are the keys to successful resolutions.

So create a plan.  Enlist your family, friends, co-workers who will stretch you. If your family, friends and co-workers enable your current, undesirable situation, then hire a coach.  Finally, follow your plan by taking action every day.

Were not done yet, sweetheart.  I know this resolution/goal setting stuff is hard work, but just a few more things.

Go to your calendar right now and mark out an hour on your calendar 3 months from now. Then 6 months from now. Finally 9 months from now.

These are your quarterly check-in dates.  Every 3 months it’s good to check in with your resolution or goal.  How are you doing?  Do you need to tweak your plan? Is the goal still relevant?  It’s ok if it’s not. Or maybe you’ve already achieved it. Then time to celebrate.

Before I close, I personally think that modern life is far too focused on resolutions, goals, etc.  Seriously, a simple goal of living life to its fullest should suffice.  But it rarely does these days. When we are so busy, with so many obligations, it can seem impossible to live life to its fullest (in the happy sense).  That’s why breaking things down is so important.

The big idea of living life fully has gotten distorted and overwhelming.  The only way to bring it back into focus is to set smaller goals/resolutions, etc. to bring our own life closer to our desired life.  So may your 2012 be full of happiness, confidence, prosperity and love.

Share with us how your 2012 is shaping up thus far.

Energy Creation and Healing Instigation is Laurie Erdman’s mission.  As Chronic Wellness Coaching’s Chief Wellness Hero, Laurie helps people transform fatigue into fabulous, sick into super and lethargic into lively. You can book Laurie as your organization’s next inspirational speaker or as your personal coach. She’ll help you Get Up & Go at http://www.chronicwellnesscoaching.com

Also, if breaking your sugar habit is on your action plan, sign up for Laurie’s upcoming “Super Sugar Shakedown – 10 Days to Supercharged Freedom” free preview on February 5th. Click here to sign up.

Mercury is the planetary “ruler” of two signs – Gemini and Virgo. It rules the conscious mind: how we think and process direct thoughts and how we communicate. Mercury also influences how we solve problems and make decisions.

If you were born with Mercury in Aquarius, “Your unique yet practical ideas prompt people to say, ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’ That’s the result of your clever, imaginative mind at its innovative best.” You intuit what people really think, versus what they say. You are open-minded but almost never change your mind. You rarely let emotions influence your decisions, and you are more comfortable expressing thoughts than feelings. (Source:  Llewellyn’s Complete Book of Astrology)

Even if you weren’t born with Mercury in Aquarius, you can still take advantage of this innovative (and, yes, WEIRD) energy for the next 17 days. The sun is in Aquarius, too, so use the opportunity to THINK DIFFERENT. (I always want to add an “–ly” to that Apple tagline. I may have an Aquarian sun but my Mercury is in conformist Capricorn.)

Speaking of Apple, I received the following bit of information in my email the other day. It’s perfect for all of this Aquarian energy!

In 1977, Steve Wozniak (the sole inventor of the Apple I and II personal computers) revolutionized the computer industry. In his autobiography, iWoz, he advises us to live in a gray scale world – 

The only way to come up with something new – something world-changing – is to think outside the constraints everyone else has. You have to think outside the artificial limits everyone else has already set. You have to live in a gray-scale world, not the black-and-white one, if you’re going to come up with something no one else has thought of before.

Passion Killers
Granted, not everyone wants to come up with something that no one else has thought of before. As I’ve said before, if everyone in the world was a visionary, the world would soon fall apart. BUT, I do know that nothing will kill personal passion quicker than conformity. Your passion may be like millions of others; you may have a passion that involves mega-conventions, costumes, and celebrity guest speakers. That’s great. But, conformity should not be the defining quality of what you do. Your passion should come deep from within – expansive and without limits. Trying to over-define and categorize your flame will extinguish the fire.

Astrologically, now is the perfect time to innovatively reflect on the questions that I posted on Sunday:

• What do you find meaningful in life?
• What does your heart long to contribute to that world?
• If you won a big lotto drawing, what would you do?
• Would that feel meaningful to you in the long run?

But, instead of the “gray-scale” world that Steve Wozniak suggests – let’s make it TECHNICOLOR!

The reply, “It is difficult to believe there is still a question about this. I find it hard to imagine. There have been so many reports from thoroughly reliable sources of past life experiences. Some of these people have brought back strikingly detailed descriptions of events, and such completely verifiable data as to eliminate any possibility that they were making it up or had contrived to somehow deceive researchers and loved ones.

You have had 647 past lives, since you insist on being exact. This is your 648^th. You were everything in them. A king, a queen, a serf. A teacher, a student, a master. A male, a female. A warrior, a pacifist. A hero, a coward. A killer, a savior. A sage, a fool. You have been all of it!”

No, I’m not going to claim that I was this week’s woman of the week in a past life. (That’s her in this lovely picture from 1911.) BUT…

Last summer, when I featured the American suffragist Lucy Burns as “woman of the week,” I became obsessed with her story, especially since she is almost lost to written history. I began a quest to research and write about her. I started going to the library a few times a week, reviewing old microfilm.  After a couple of months, I got really sick with migraines and a cold, and stayed home for a week or two. But, I recovered and headed back. I got sick again right before Christmas, and with holiday travel and school vacations and unexpected family emergencies, I have not been to the library in 8 weeks.

During the past 8 weeks, I’ve had some discoveries, and I’ve had some doubts, about this project.

Discoveries
First, I will say that I’m no stranger to researching the past. I was in graduate school for 6 years, and learned Old Church Slavonic (OCS) for goodness sake! (OCS is the root language for all the Slavic languages, that was spoken in the first century of the current era.) But, the feeling I get when researching the suffragists is different than anything I’ve experienced before. (I think my frequent sicknesses are related.) And, when I’m immersed in the research, I start having odd synchronicities.  Plus, random people have started joking with me that maybe I had been Lucy Burns in my past life. I must say the thought had crossed my mind once or twice!

And, then, it crossed my mind once or twice a day and then, an hour. No, I was not Lucy Burns in a past life. But, I have discovered, and have had it confirmed by three separate people, that I was a suffragist. I was not American. But, I did know Lucy. I even have the name of who I was. I’ve read about this woman.  After I had this revelation, an acquaintance of mine, with no knowledge of any of this, sent me some pictures that she took while abroad. They were of a statue of HER (me?).

Doubts
My intense passion suddenly made a lot of sense. But, I started to wonder if I was trying to live in the (distant) past. In my astrological readings, I can get a general sense of someone’s most recent past lives, and also, can advise clients on ways to keep growing and to not get mired down in “playing it safe” by trying to do the same old, same old. I wondered if I was “playing it safe” with this book project?

My other doubts have been about my writing ability. Most of the work on the American suffragists has been academic and dry. None of the women’s passion and fight is present. Will I be able to write something different? Will my writing be worthwhile? Will it connect with the reader?

Cue this week’s theme
I was doing research on this week’s “woman of the week,” by reviewing “this day in history.” I had a few potential candidates and then, among the people who died on this day, I saw the name Alva Belmont. To answer Monica Wilcox’s questions from her post, Is Your Calling Serving You? – “Does it make you smile and tickle your heart? Does it make you hoop and holler around the house? If so, you’re on track.” YES! Just the name Alva Belmont made me hoop and holler!

Alva Belmont was one of the American Suffragists that fought with Lucy Burns.  She had great wealth due to an earlier divorce from William Kissam Vanderbilt and funded large portions of the suffrage fight. (In another “synchronicity,” I still am paying off a student loan for the BA I got at Vanderbilt University…)

In my research, I have read many of Ms. Belmont’s letters and viewed microfilm of her scrapbooks. (She appeared to save every article that was ever published about her. And as a member of “high society,” she was in the papers almost daily.) I feel as if I know Ms. Belmont. (Ok, I think I technically did.)

I’ve mentioned in earlier posts that “I’ve long suspected that I chose many of my life events, so I could write about them.” Who says the events have to be restricted to just THIS CURRENT life? And, I’m not reliving an old passion, or staying stuck in an old “rut,” because I’m not actually out there organizing protests and going on hunger strikes. (Did I really go on repeated hunger strikes? Makes me wonder if this information I have is accurate!)

As for my doubt about my ability to write this book, well, that sounds like an internal censor to me. I can’t judge the work before it’s even down on paper! (See yesterday’s post.)

I’ve kept Ms. Belmont waiting long enough! Presenting this week’s “woman of the week”…

Alva Erskine Belmont (January 17, 1853 – January 26, 1933), née Alva Erskine Smith, also called Alva Vanderbilt from 1875 to 1896, was a prominent multi-millionaire American socialite and a major figure in the women’s suffrage movement. Known for having an aristocratic manner that antagonized many people, she was also noted for her energy, intelligence, strong opinions, and willingness to challenge convention. She was married first to William Kissam Vanderbilt, with whom she had three children, and secondly to Oliver Hazard Perry Belmont.

Alva Vanderbilt shocked society in March 1895 when she divorced her first husband, at a time when divorce was rare among the elite, and received a large financial settlement said to be in excess of $10 million, in addition to several of the estates including Marble House in Newport. The grounds for divorce were allegations of William’s adultery, though some believed that William hired a woman to pretend to be his mistress so that Alva would divorce him.

Alva married Oliver Hazard Perry Belmont, a man five years her junior, on 11 January 1896. Oliver had been a friend of the Vanderbilts since the late 1880s and had accompanied them on at least one long voyage aboard their yacht the Alva. He was the son of August Belmont, a successful banker. Oliver died suddenly in 1908, upon which Alva took on the new cause of the women’s suffrage movement after hearing a lecture by Ida Husted Harper.

She gave strong support to labor in the 1909-1910 New York shirtwaist makers strike. She paid the bail of picketers who had been arrested and funded a large rally in the city’s Hippodrome. She brought this experience with picket lines and arrests to her work with the suffragists. In December 1917, following the November “Night of Terror” at Occoquan Workhouse (when many of the suffragists – including Lucy Burns – were beaten and abused), Belmont chaired a mass meeting at Belasco Theatre, attended by thousands, at which the newly released prisoners were honored for their service to liberty.

She suffered a stroke in the spring of 1932 that left her partially paralyzed, and she died in Paris of bronchial and heart ailments on January 26, 1933. Her funeral at Saint Thomas Episcopal Church in New York City featured all female pallbearers and a large contingent of suffragists. She is interred next to Oliver Belmont in the Woodlawn Cemetery in The Bronx, New York.

(My source was the Wikipedia article but I found some inaccuracies in it, which I have either left out or corrected.)

First thoughts have tremendous energy. It is the way the mind first flashes on something. The internal censor usually squelches them so we live in the realm of second and third thoughts, thoughts on thought, twice and three times removed from the direct connection of the first fresh flash. For instance, the phrase “I cut the daisy from my throat” shot through my mind. Now my second thought, carefully tutored in 1 + 1 = 2 logic, in politeness, fear and embarrassment at the natural, would say, “That’s ridiculous.  You sound suicidal. Don’t show yourself cutting your throat. Someone will think you are crazy.” And instead, if we give the censor its way, we write, “My throat was a little sore, so I didn’t say anything.” Proper and boring.

First thoughts are also unencumbered by ego, by that mechanism in us that tries to be in control, tries to prove the world is permanent and solid, enduring and logical. The world is not permanent, is every-changing and full of human suffering. So if you express something egoless, it is also full of energy because it is expressing the truth of the way things are. You are not carrying the burden of ego in your expression, but are riding for moments the waves of human consciousness …

Why else are first thoughts so energizing? Because they have to do with freshness and inspiration. Inspiration means “breathing in.” Breathing in God. You actually become larger than yourself, and first thoughts are present. They are not a cover-up of what is actually happening or being felt. The present is imbued with tremendous energy. It is what is. My friend who is a Buddhist said once after coming out of a meditation retreat, “The colors were so much more vibrant afterward.” Her meditation teacher said, “When you are present, the world is truly alive.”

Want to discover your passion? Live your passion? Follow your first thought.

When I first conceived of FemCentral, I had a lot of trouble figuring out how I was going to make it work. I wanted it to be a business (I had just been laid off) and right from the start, tried to figure out how to bring in an income with it. After I read Gary Vaynerchuk’s book Crush It!, and his advice to establish a web presence first, and let the monetization evolve naturally, I stopped worrying about the money. Without that “censor,” the framework for this site fell into place almost immediately. It seemed so simple that I couldn’t understand why I didn’t see it before. But, censors and second and third thoughts can do that.

A friend called me last week. She was having trouble starting her dissertation. She had done all the research, made an outline, knew what she wanted to say. But, she couldn’t get the first word down on paper. Upon talking to her, I found out that many people had been giving her advice about “how” to write.  She was trying to fit her words into their advice before they even made it onto the page! I told her to stop editing. To write what comes. She can always edit and change and polish later. What’s important now is to express the freshness and inspiration. (She checked back in with me a few days later, and the words are now flowing!)

Are your first thoughts so covered with second and third (and fourth and fifth) thoughts that you don’t even recognize them? When someone asks you about your passion, do you stare with a blank look? Have a sense of panic that maybe you don’t have one? I promise you that all of us do!

As a first step, use Writing Down the Bones’ suggested method for getting back in touch with your essence.

Set a timer for 15 minutes. On a piece of paper, write, “What is my passion?” Start writing. (Do this BY HAND!)

1. Keep your hand moving. (Don’t pause to reread the line you have just written. That’s stalling and trying to get control of what you’re saying.)
2. Don’t cross out. (That is editing as you write. Even if you write something you didn’t mean to write, leave it.)
3. Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, grammar. (Don’t even care about staying within the margins and lines on the page.)
4. Lose control.
5. Don’t think. Don’t get logical.
6. Go for the jugular. (If something comes up in your writing that is scary or naked, dive right into it. It probably has lots of energy.)

Ready. Set. Go! (And feel free to share any discoveries below!)