Relationship Lessons of a Past Life, by Monica Wilcox

This post originally appeared on FemCentral on July 17, 2011. There are many comments on the original post, and I debated just changing the date on the original, so it would appear as new today. However, some have linked to it off their websites, and I did not want to leave them with broken links. So, I copied everything into a new post for today.

I don’t believe in love at first sight but I absolutely believe in love of past life. I believe it because I’ve lived it.

Some years ago I saw a stranger who triggered an unexplainable, unconditional love within me. The few times I bumped into him at the library I’d feel this overwhelming desire to hug him, to ask if he was well, to call in the very Angels above to watch over him. What was that all about? Needless to say, this was not your everyday passing attraction; especially for a girl who’s been too darn busy loving her own life and family to bother with passing attractions.

Shirley MacLaine may have introduced me to reincarnation but experience made me KNOW it. There’s a big difference. The majority of my family does not believe in past lives. Most of my friends thought it meant we were all farm pigs before this life. In my mid-America Christian sphere I spent most of my early years pouring over the few books I could find on the subject and chasing down like-minded souls.

Eventually I came across the work of Brian Weiss. I’d say this was fated but it’s difficult to believe in past lives and not know Mr. Weiss. He’s the go-to-guy on all things reincarnation in the West. If you’ve seen anything on T.V. about reincarnation, Brian Weiss was in it. He is a well respected psychotherapist who brought past life regression (undergoing deep hypnosis into a former life or the periods spent between lives) into the mainstream. I’d dreamed of doing a PLR the way many of you dream of seeing Napa Valley on a Harley. It was on my bucket list. After meeting this man in the library stacks and the unexplainable emotions he triggered within me, it seemed like an ideal time to give it a try.

My Life as a Deformed Knight

Guided by a therapist who was trained by Mr. Weiss, it took me awhile to relax but I finally came (with the help of my spirit guide) to an open courtyard beside a huge European cathedral. I was a middle-aged man. Not only did I feel the bulk of a man’s body, but the weight of responsibility men carry (debilitating) along with a conceit I’ve never felt as a woman; men carry confidence the way we carry ovaries.

In this life I was a knight over a small community (that would be the responsibility) with a wife who I cared for and a handful of children I barely knew. But my heart belonged to a local woman who was not of the same “station”; our affair was not an open matter. My wife was aware of our relationship but I really didn’t care. It’s what I wanted and was my wife’s job to deal with it. In the regression I immediately recognized my secret love was the same soul I’d reacted to in the library.

The experience of being a different personality; the foreign body frame, the huge ego, the differing roles, validated this experience as a past life for me. It’s one thing to “imagine” life as a knight, but quite another to feel the width of his shoulder blades.

As I witnessed and re-experienced this past life, my current consciousness was trying to grasp that I, sweet, shy Monica, had once been so entitled, domineering and driven by responsibility. Indeed, I was a successful leader, a good man, well-liked, but my personality was completely foreign to who I am today.

While under hypnosis I was taken to the end of that lifetime. Next to my death bed stood my wife, while the woman I loved tended me. She was the local medicine woman and had aided me for years with my deformed hands. (A knight with useless hands; sounds like an interesting life.) While under hypnosis I could feel the deep, constant pain in them, and see how they were twisted beyond use. I did not know for sure if they had been crushed or taken by some kind of debilitating sickness (or both) but the pain was unlike any pain I have known. As I passed, I felt proud of the leader I had been but regretted that I had never openly loved this woman.

What was stressed to me as I left my deformed, old body was the relationship between the two of us. It had never died, but continued on…for hundreds of years and many lifetimes. Our connection to each other had lived on to come back around and teach me something yet again – the purpose of all relationships.

Even the “Negative” Relationships?

A good friend of mine also did a PLR. Keri was drawn back to the time between lifetimes where she was establishing the spiritual contracts for her current life. To her shock she found her soul AGREEING to take the role of step-daughter to a soul who still needed to release his need to control others. She immediately recognized this soul as one of her step-fathers; one who had been very controlling and verbally abusive. This “ugly” relationship that had haunted her into her adult years was actually a spiritual gift?? She had gifted this soul with the chance to grow above his abusive tendencies and at the same time he gifted her multiple opportunities to take a stand for her own soul. She did just that by reporting him to a counselor in middle school; affectively ending an unhealthy family unit.

This PLR made Keri and me reconsider abusive relationships in general. How many souls have returned to make one splendid declaration-for all eternity I will no longer tolerate another abusive relationship! I am worthy of only absolute love!

Understanding the deeper, spiritual nature of this relationship freed Keri from her anger and frustration. She received the same message from this “negative” relationship that I did from my short meeting the man in the library: our spiritual connections never die; they continue on, providing endless opportunity for growth and experience. This is the fundamental notion that all stories are, at their absolute core, love stories.

I see now that there are powerful lessons within all of my relationships, just waiting for me to grasp. Doing this PLR made me consciously aware of the energy constantly circling between me and my sweet husband, my children, my extended family and friends, even the clerk at the grocery store. All of them enter my life for solid reasons, and the bonds we share will only be strengthened by it.

The Eternal Bond Between Souls

Understanding that true spiritual love NEVER ENDS taught me that I can grieve the loss of my mother and father as their child, mourn the “future” we never had, but it’s a fruitless waste of energy for me to grieve for them or our connection. It still exists, only now it’s been taken to a spiritual level, where it’s still thriving. “It’s over!” is an illusion. Our roles as girlfriend, wife, brother, sister, coworker, friend, enemy-they come to an end, but the heart within these relationships flows on.

In his book The Shack, WM. Paul Young describes this as a specific colored energy bond between souls that connects them throughout time. “Each relationship between two persons is absolutely unique. That is why you cannot love two people the same. It is simply not possible. You love each person differently because of who they are and the uniqueness that they draw out of you. And the more you know another, the richer the colors of that relationship.”

I believe what’s between two souls stays between them. Strain, anger, lies, deceit, love, respect: all of these things don’t magically disappear. Everything must eventually be worked out. Forgiveness, healing, prayer, communication, understanding: these are the tools we use to move each other, and our connection, through difficult times. When someone physically leaves your current life, do not harbor ill feelings. Wish them the best on their journey so that when you meet again, in this life, the afterlife, or the after-afterlife, the two of you can continue on from a stronger place.

If you have also lost someone in love, how blessed are you! I have re-experienced that true, soul-full, love lives on. Why not? It’s the stuff of Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, and every other enlightened person that has graced us with their guidance. When my heart aches for the people I have lost, I reach for that love, connect to it, and allow our bond to flow into me. It does not matter if they’ve passed or are still alive; their higher self is always supporting us through our journey.

The lesson I want to share with you (because this is a relationship too, even if it’s only 5 minutes long) is that our connection to one another; your child, parents, spouse, or a stranger who keeps popping up in the non-fiction section, has an energy of its own. It lives on.

Read more of Monica’s writing on FemCentral, and at her website, Femme Tales-Truth with Humor.