May all your gifts be from a place of love

Deep gratitude to everyone who participated in the writing prompt response. I know you touched many with your words. Today’s final response was submitted anonymously.

What I don’t like about the holidays is gift giving just because we feel it’s expected to give every person we know a gift. I can tell when I receive a gift from someone who really didn’t want to give, but felt obligated to, the gift radiates with the essence of dread, obligated guilt, or resentment. Usually the gift giver makes statements when you, the receiver, are halfway through unwrapping this gift. Statements like, “I just got you this because I couldn’t think of anything else you might like,” or “We never know what to get you, so we just found something hope you like it.” “Don’t say I NEVER gave YOU anything.”(This last one has come out of my father’s mouth on more than one occasion). Seriously, as the receiver of this gift which has NOW been tainted by these comments, I’m always tempted to stop unwrapping and just hand them the gift back, making a comment like this “No one put a gun to your head demanding you buy me something, if you didn’t have the ‘thought of giving’ then DON’T DO IT!!!” Since I was raised to not be rude, I just smile, say “thank you” and reassure them that they made a good choice or to not be so hard on themselves. I’m really thinking is “Why did you even waste your money and your time? I can tell you didn’t put any thought into this gift, which tells me you don’t give a shit.”

Here is my question – when did gift giving become mandatory at Christmas? My best friend and I were at the bookstore one night after work, talking about the holidays. We are both working through heavy childhood programming and family junk which makes spending time with our family members less than desirable. As I mentioned briefly before, my father is a piece of work, and it is  obvious he has no clue who I am. Here is another example of what I mean: a few years ago I was really physically and emotionally ill; in a desperate attempt to have something to live for, I went to free belly dancing classes at the university I was enrolled in. My father never speaks to me; we could be in the same room together for hours, and he won’t talk to me, answer me and so on. For Christmas that year he literally throws this gift at me (hard) and yells “Here!” I open it. It’s a book on the History of Prostitutes. YES, the history of WHORES. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I look up and said, “This is interesting Dad,” and stare blankly at him, not even sure where to begin rationalizing this gift in my mind thinking, “Is it a gag? Does he think I’m a whore?” He replies back, “I know you’re into that belly dancing stuff right?” He shakes his finger at the book and adds, “That should be right up your alley then, and it was just a $1.”  Who needs the Griswold‘s when you have my father??!!! How sad a father doesn’t know his own daughter or trust his own parenting skills enough to know whether or not he raised a whore.

For people who don’t know what to buy certain people at Christmas, or even their birthday, I’d say its just better to give nothing instead of just something. Receiving “just something” is worse than nothing in my mind because there isn’t any thought behind a “just something” gift. Okay, there is a thought but it’s not one of love; it’s a “Shit I better just get her/him something for Christmas/Birthday or I’ll look bad.” Honestly, I don’t want your guilt gift, plus you can count on it going to Goodwill because it will be something I’ll never use, and I won’t feel grateful for it.

I remember who, when, why, and where I got gifts that were given out of love, even if they are something I never use or need. I keep them and treasure them like Scrooge does his money. I keep birthday cards, Christmas cards, movie stubs, night club bracelets, tickets, ribbons from gifts, and I even have a Hersey candy wrapper – it was a gift from my friend to celebrate my first day of half marathon training. She knew I had never trained for a 5k let alone a half marathon and wanted me to start out on a sweet positive note. I still have that wrapper because it came from love! This past summer I’ve been shedding a lot of baggage (physical, emotional, spiritual), and I’ve come across lots of crap I have. I’m sure some of them were gifts; all of the “just something” gifts went into a box marked for Goodwill. All of the gifts or mementos that were given and received with love, I kept.

When I give gifts I bust my ass off finding a gift that the receiver will love, use, or need because I love them! I opt out of buying gifts for those people I don’t know well or sincerely like. Does it become tricky when I have co-workers. Instead, I participate in spreading cheer in making cookies or writing notes to the whole office, wishing them a happy holiday(short sweet and sincere). For the relatives I don’t know well, I ask if they want to get lunch, in an effort to know them better. Connecting is more important than buying a bunch of crap just because somewhere down the line you got told gift giving is mandatory at Christmas. Wouldn’t it be great if you just bought gifts for those people you truly loved and forgot about the rest??!!

I know my programming runs deep; as I’m writing this I’m thinking about what to get the man who is my father but I don’t know well at all. A part of me is saying “get him nothing and save your money!” but the well programmed part is yelling over top saying “a gas card is practical!” This year I’m saving all my extra money to move out of my parents house into my own place and even though I want to give this year, I am struggling to give myself the best gift – FREEDOM!! Once I have that gift for myself it will benefit everyone in my life; I don’t know how to put that in a Christmas card, but time will tell. My talk with my best friend really put gift giving into perspective for me. It’s not a contest to see who bought what, gave what, spent the most or least, whose gift got the most attention, or whatever ego fed head-game people play with themselves at Christmas. It’s about love – not the love of the object being given – but the love exchanged between 2 people in the form of gift giving. I can honestly say I don’t want to receive any gifts if they aren’t coming from love. When I die I can’t take the stuff with me; I can only take the emotions attached to the stuff. I want all the positive emotions I can get!

May all your gifts you give be from a place of love, then you will receive more gifts of love in return. This is how the universe works right?? The classic saying “You reap what you sow!” Merry Christmas Everyone!! Lots of Love