The Loneliest Time of the Year?

Pattie Lee‘s Writing Prompt Response

In America, Thanksgiving is the gateway to the holiday season. It’s when you decorate your home in festive ribbons, shimmery tinsel, and multi-colored lights. Radio stations begin their 24 hour rotation of Christmas music and cashiers begin blandly wishing you a “happy holiday” as they place your change in your hand.

It all starts in November, a gray, dark, and depressing month. This is when the cold weather begins here in Chicago and with the time change, it’s dark before 4pm hits. For me, it’s not just the month for Thanksgiving and eating so much I feel I’ll explode. It’s the month of my parents’ wedding anniversary, and both of their deaths. My father died on Thanksgiving Day. My mother died the day before their wedding anniversary. I really kinda hate November.

It’s been 15 years since I lost my mother and 10 years since I lost my father. November and the whole holiday season is getting a little bit easier. There is so much emphasis on family during the holidays. Being single, without children, and having siblings so far away makes that family feeling a distant memory. I feel as if we’re all poked and prodded to be merry and jolly like Old Saint Nick himself this time of year. When you’re in a foul mood during this season people call you a “Scrooge.” If you don’t want to decorate your home everyone thinks you’re some kind of party-pooper. People act as if, after such a long time, you should be “over it” in regards to grieving for the departed. There is no “over it” when you lose people you love. The holidays always slap you across the face with that feeling of loss and loneliness.

Waking up Christmas morning to an empty apartment is neither festive nor merry. Memories of a childhood filled with wonder and magic are like a stab in the chest. Being the keeper of the family Christmas ornaments makes this loneliness even stronger. As I decorate my tree with the ornament my sister made in kindergarten and the one my brother made in 5^th grade, my empty apartment feels even more empty. My family was never particularly close, but it’s this season that makes me wish we at least lived in the same state.

I wish the holiday season didn’t make me feel so alone and grumpy.

Sherry Barrett‘s Writing Prompt Response

For me, growing up, the holidays were bittersweet. Most the time one never knew quite what to expect, and so I decided to make the most of it in any way I could, to enjoy what I could, despite the EXTREME negativity all around me; kinda like going into my own little world of pretend in many ways to create a better reality than what was.

So, when I got older I would try to make the holidays special for as many people as I could, but I found far too many felt they had to give back, which took the joy out of giving for a time.  I love to give and create things for others, and the first year I was an adult I made ALL my Christmas cards by hand, drawing unique pictures and writing for each person, making over 100 cards.  I kinda went overboard with who I gave to in order to compensate for the stress of the holidays when I was a kid. We never had much but on Christmas, we got to choose a junk food cereal as a special treat, and my mom made lots of homemade goodies, her way of showing she cares, I think.  Many holidays I was sick as I never wanted to miss school, and it was like my body knew when the holidays were coming.  Though I was sick often anyway, and my big sister was the one who stayed home with me; both my parents worked to try and keep a roof over our head.  I remember much stress, yelling and fighting on holidays and vowed to make future holidays better.

I am now in the process of finding a middle ground – far too much to give a card and or gift to everyone and the joy was taken out of it by trying to do so much.  So this year I am making many of my gifts as usual and have cut down on who I am giving to and cards as well; it has freed me to enjoy both giving and the true meaning of the holidays.  I also am choosing to not spend it with those who are negative, even if they are family.  This past year has been one of huge growth on a personal level and much healing and in that journey I have found my true self. I am learning to make the most of life no matter what comes and allow the lessons and blessings to change me rather than rearrange me, as it were.

Holidays are about remembering all the blessings in life and what we are thankful for. Whether we have much or little, what we focus on is a choice.

When my dad passed away almost 7 years ago I chose to make every holiday that first year special in some small way for my mom, just to let her know she is loved and that life can be beautiful after loss.  I would have to say the loss of my dad was the hardest loss I have ever gone through, as I was never told I was loved or that he was proud of me, and he never told me he was sorry for the years of extreme abuse. But I held his hand as he took his last breath with peace, as I had forgiven him from my heart; free at last!!!

For me the holidays are a special time to cherish and hold dear and to let those you care for know you do but also throughout the whole year too, for you never know when it will be the last.

I do not have family of my own as I had hoped to some day, but I have spent some great Holidays with some fabulous, dear friends, and the Shadow for me is in all that is going on in my family from the past, and right now as well, is that I was allowing the silence and others denial to take away. I am choosing to shine forth the truth – the good, the bad and the ugly and find true happiness in that instead.

Blessings to each one of you who reads this and can relate, know you are loved and accepted but it must come from within first, to spread to all around you.