Excuse me, is my Yang showing?

Yesterday’s post had me sweating. I was afraid to publish it. Then, I frantically looked for reactions, scared of the “worst,” although I’m not sure what the “worst” would be. Thankfully, someone posted a comment to it early, or I seriously may have taken it down. If two people had not shared it on facebook by 10am, I think I would have taken it down anyway. But, what was so scary about it?

First, I’ve learned, the hard way, to validate my feelings. I grew up being told (and telling myself) that it was “silly” or “stupid” or “illogical” to feel a certain way. People do this all the time on facebook and twitter too. How many time do you see updates that are some version of, “why do you care what others think?” If you care, you care! You can’t help it. It doesn’t mean that you act in accordance with what are others are thinking. Or, that you make your decisions based on their opinions. But, if it bothers you, it isn’t going to go away by “yelling” at yourself for letting it bother you!

And, obviously, my fear stemmed from worrying about what others thought of my post. In the post I’m asserting power. Authority. Ah, that’s it.

My Yang is showing.

A couple of weeks ago, I helped to chaperone a fourth grade field trip to the mountains of North Carolina.  I didn’t know any of the other parents very well. The chaperones seemed to be a fairly even balance between males and females. But, when I looked around, I was always surrounded by males. Male children. Male teachers. Male parents.

My son and I sat at an empty picnic table for lunch, and before I knew it, everyone at the table was a male. At one point, I was watching my assigned group of kids play near a creek. All males. Some of the female chaperones had male children but they were all with the other females.

I have always magnetized male energy but not in the way I’ve observed most other females to magnetize males (meaning there is nothing sexual about it). But what’s different now, than in the past, is that I run this “virtual institute for women.”  For women! I talked to women on this trip but I had to approach them. They were friendly but I could tell weren’t quite sure what to make of me. (By the way, my appearance is very feminine; I wear nothing but dresses!)  More than one intuitive has told me about my strong “Yang” (which is traditionally considered, “male”) energy, but they have also added that I’m very balanced. That part of the reason I am called to this site is to help others restore the natural balance between Yang and Yin.  Do most of us not know what to make of a person who is balanced between male and female?

I broached the field trip with an online group of friends.  The replies were, “Oh yeah. You are very Yang.” One told me that it gives some women a complex. So, I pressed. What about me, exactly is Yang in their eyes?

I noticed, sometime around puberty, that girls did not like a certain part of my personality. “Didn’t like” is putting it mildly. Wanting female friends, I tried to suppress “it” around them. If you asked them what part of my personality they were targeting, they probably couldn’t tell you. They just sensed something was “different,” as did I.

What the friends in the online group pointed out was that I was very matter of fact. Practical. That I liked to openly debate topics. A dear friend wrote, “I think a big part of this is that the majority of women on this planet are raised to be agreeable, quiet and introspective. If we disagree with someone, we’re supposed to mask our remarks or just go behind their back and gossip. Intelligent, non-defensive, open conversation is NOT really the norm for us. That’s for the boys in the boardroom to do. Right? What you’re doing is not all that common and so it’s difficult for many women to deal with. I also think it’s damn good for us!” In another group I’m in, I explained that I like to debate topics. It was requested that I use the word, “discuss.” What’s wrong with debate?

If we truly must create change within ourselves, before we can create it in the world at large; if change within ourselves CAUSES change in the world at large, AND if we truly want equality between men and women, doesn’t it make sense that we need to achieve internal balance between male and female, Yang and Yin?

Did you notice that it was a group of GIRLS who prompted me to start suppressing my personal Yang energy? They did so, likely, because of the way they were socialized. Because they were being taught that any Yang in themselves was not the way it was supposed to be. They projected their anger onto me. And, many women are still doing that. Or, if not projecting anger, staying away out of fear.

And, there are women who try to artificially embrace Yang energy by copying men. Particularly, alpha men. I’m not so sure they are the best models, as the alpha men probably don’t have a lot of balance either (and could do with cultivating their Yin). You know how to Yang, all by yourself. I assert this balance is our natural state. You don’t have to tick through all of your personality traits, assign each one a Yang or Yin category and decide which is out of whack. Just remove those subconscious beliefs that are weighting down one side or the other.

For me, as a child, I think I was quite balanced. When I started suppressing my Yang, I lost my voice (and not coincidentally, my thyroid stopped working around puberty). When I actively cultivated my Yin, with this website and exploring my creativity, my Yang came roaring back as well. I feel the balance. But, for people who are used to women being all Yin, all they see in me is the Yang. If my Yang is bothersome to you, I guarantee you have that very same energy that wants to be let loose!

Where to start on your personal balance? Shadow work. Notice what bugs you in other women, or in men.  If you hate something in someone else, you have that very quality yourself. And, the thing is, that quality may be positive. Maybe you have a strong reaction to it because you FEAR it. If that’s the case, look at the fear. What’s the source? Embrace it. Look at it as it slowly fades away.

Want equality between masculine and feminine? First, discover it within yourself. (We’ll talk about the value of a good debate, later!)