Am I scared to claim my own power?

This post is absolutely painful for me to write. I didn’t even realize until earlier today that I was scared to write it. I’ve had the inspiration for it for weeks now but kept postponing it for one seemingly “valid” reason or another. I sat down on Friday to write it, planning to post it on Sunday, but decided to write about the Scorpio sun instead.  Saturday morning I had some time to write but cleaned the house. Today (Sunday) as I stared and stared and stared at the screen, and obsessively checked Twitter, facebook and email in a continuous loop, it hit me. I don’t want to write this post.

Part of me cheered! If I don’t WANT to write it, that must mean there’s something about it that isn’t “true” for me. I should drop the topic altogether.

But, THAT thought is what did not seem true. No, this post is actually my deepest truth. It’s a declaration of my power. And, apparently, claiming that power scares the hell out of me.

Ok, ok, so what’s this post about? Notice how I’ve cleverly written a couple hundred words and still not broached the actual topic? (Yeah, you probably have.)

In late June, I issued a strong “call to arms” about the need to actively FIGHT for not only women’s rights but for respect. For the past four months, this has been on my mind constantly. I’m wondering if I’m doing enough. Was I just another person who was calling attention to a problem but not doing a damned thing to help solve it? Would my time be best spent volunteering for a local women’s shelter or other agency devoted to helping battered, abused, disenfranchised women? Was I fooling myself thinking I was helping anyone with this website?

I prayed about this. I meditated. I asked the Universe for guidance. And, the guidance came.

Answer Number One

Late summer, someone that I know only through Twitter suggested we do an intuitive “exchange.” Funny, I didn’t ask exactly what we would be exchanging (and she doesn’t have a website). But, I had a good feeling about it, and a few weeks ago, we chatted on Skype.

I came in having reviewed, and prepared to discuss, her astrological chart. I was shocked to hear that Spirit guides had information to relay to me, through her.  Much of it was about FemCentral (the rest was about astrology but I’ll talk about that in another post). I was told there is a healing energy in what I do. That FemCentral is a place of healing. That MY VOICE is healing. That I am giving voice to the feminine in many ways. When I share a trial, a tribulation, an AHA, I am speaking for many women who are going through the same thing. I am also providing a place for women to speak their minds. The guides suggested I expand FemCentral with a weekly radio show. (Seraphimgirl and I chatted for two hours, and I’m deeply grateful for her time.)

Answer Number Two

I usually read before bed each night, and I’ve been reading through Conversations with God, Books 2 and 3. Around the same time I had these Twitter revelations, I read

You cannot legislate morality. You cannot mandate equality. What is needed is a shift of collective consciousness, not an enforcer of collective conscience. Behavior (and all laws, and all government programs) must spring from Beingness, must be a true reflection of Who You Are.

Consciousness is everything, and creates your experience. Group consciousness is powerful and produces outcomes of unspeakable beauty or ugliness. The choice is always yours.

If you are not satisfied with the consciousness of your group, seek to change it. The best way to change the consciousness of others is by your example.

If your example is not enough, form your own group – you be the source of the consciousness you wish others to experience. They will – when you do.

You want the world to change? Change things in your own world.

So THIS is what I’ve been doing all this time! I’ve been following my intuition, focusing on excavating buried beliefs, encouraging others to do the same, and now, I see how this impacts more than just the individuals who read FemCentral. If our personal thoughts create our personal reality, then the thoughts of the collective create our society’s reality. We can’t change society, the way we treat other human beings, without changing our thoughts.

We can certainly enact laws to PROTECT the weak and disenfranchised, to keep them from being abused. We’ve largely done this in the West. It’s the reason I’m frequently told that the “women’s issue” is solved, or that “race” is no longer a problem. But, these laws affect behavior only inasmuch as people are afraid of being punished. You know many people who are still sexist, yes? One posted on this website last week. If we are going to change the way people behave towards each other, we must pull out our own beliefs, examine them, and start consciously creating our own world. Then, we encourage others to do the same.

Thanks to those who’ve fought before us, we now have the luxury of spending the time necessary to examine and change our beliefs. Many in the world still do not have this luxury. And, I encourage all of us to do what we can to alleviate their pain (Kiva.org and Care.org are two of my favorite charities). But, to create real and lasting change, we must be prepared to go deep inside ourselves.

The thing is, despite all the crap that goes on in the world, “Love is all there is.” Our mission is to bring up all the self-limiting beliefs that are suffocating our natural state of being. When we help others to do the same, we aren’t preaching at them. We’re helping them to “excavate.”  And, we are to band together with as many people who are doing this as possible. To bring the feminine back in balance with the masculine, we must discuss and uncover and expose the beliefs that have kept Her silent. This goes for men as well as women.

With FemCentral, I am endeavoring…no, I will say it with POWER…with FemCentral, I am providing a space for us to change our collective consciousness about the Feminine.

Ok, there’s more. So much more. My head is about to explode with the possibilities for expanding and growing this collective. But, I mentioned that I procrastinated on this post for weeks now, and frankly, I want to go to bed! Hopefully, the other posts in this series won’t be as difficult, having finally started this conversation.

So, what was I (am I) afraid of? My own power? Others reactions to my power? Failure? Probably all of that and more. But, I’m putting it out there, and digging yet up one more self-limiting belief. If nothing else, I’m providing an example for others to follow.