You may remember Julie St. John from her excellent series of posts on gender, language and power. Julie has a Ph.D. in linguistics but is also an astrologer! (We meet for lunch about once a month to talk “charts.”) Julie focuses mostly on “synastry,” which compares the charts of two people to determine their compatibility. In this post, Julie explains the basics.
There’s something about ….
“Be still my heart!”
“BFF!”
“She makes my skin crawl!”
“Who?”
Have you ever met someone you were instantly attracted to? Do you have a best friend you can talk to for hours about anything and everything? Is there a co-worker who raises your hackles, and you can’t quite put your finger on why? We often have very strong reactions to the people we encounter in life. Sometimes those strong reactions persist, and we may form long-lasting, important relationships, and sometimes they just fade away and we’re left wondering what on earth we were thinking. Then there are other people in our lives who we might interact with on a regular basis who never really register on our personal radar. They’re there, they may be nice or they may be cranky, but they’re just not significant in any real way to us (presumably they’re quite significant to others – just not to us).
Sometimes when we have a really, really strong reaction to someone, we wonder, “Why? What is it about that person that affects me so?” Usually, if we’re honest, it’s not because they’re the most physically attractive person in the room or the most talented or the richest, or any of the other reasons that society tells us that we’re supposed to be attracted to people. There’s just something about them that speaks to us. While I had noticed this phenomenon to a greater or lesser extent throughout my life, I really became interested in pursuing the answer to “Why” a few years ago, when I developed an overpowering attraction to someone who didn’t at all fit the template that society suggested was correct for me.
Luckily, when I had that “whoa” reaction, I had a place to turn for an answer: Astrology. I had studied astrology for many years, and through it, I had gained a lot of insight into my own particular quirks and talents, my foibles and my strengths. Astrology is really great for that! I also had gained some insights into how I reacted to people and how they were likely to perceive me. That knowledge gave me some understanding of the men I had been attracted to in the past, and it helped me understand a little what I found appealing about this particular man. When I looked at his chart, I could understand to a certain extent his reaction to me as well. And he did have a strong reaction to me, too, even though I didn’t fit the mold that society had recommended for him either.
So there I was: I had a partial explanation but not a particularly satisfying one. Yes, I could see in my chart how someone like him would be attractive to me, but it didn’t really illuminate the depth and strength and immediacy of my reaction to him. In order to find that illumination, I had to explore a branch of astrology that I hadn’t delved into before: The astrology of relationships, called synastry. If you’ve ever read anything about which Sun signs you’re supposed to get along with and which ones you should avoid, you’ve come into contact with a very simplified form of synastry. That simplified version can give us some help, but just as our natal chart can tell us much more about ourselves than just knowing our Sun sign can, so, too, can a more in-depth look at synastry, one that compares all the planets in one person’s chart to all the planets in the other person’s chart, give us a clearer understanding of our relationships.
Synastry on this deeper level is a way of comparing the charts of two people in order to understand how they relate to each other, what the strengths of a relationship might be and what the pitfalls might be. The comparison shows what the participants in a relationship trigger in each other and how the relationship is likely to play out. It can illuminate whether a relationship will be long-lasting or whether it will flare brightly but only briefly. It’s not just useful for romantic relationships, either: it can give us insights into relationships with our friends, our co-workers, our employers or our family members, too.
In my case, what I learned when I looked at a comparison of my chart and my friend’s was that we triggered some very sensitive and important areas in each other’s lives. His planets touched the planets in my chart that were at the heart of some of the lessons I most needed to learn, and the same was true for him. As it turned out, we weren’t destined to have a long-lasting romantic involvement (although that attraction could be found in our charts, where his Mars touched my Venus and my Sun touched his Venus and Moon, for example). What we have instead is a friendship that has had a profound and long-lasting impact on each of our lives (my personal planets contact his Saturn and his contact my Pluto). We have at times read each other’s minds (Mars contacts Neptune in both charts) and at times confused each other mightily (same thing!), but we have both found value in our attempts to understand each other, and that has led each of us to a greater understanding of ourselves.
My relationship with my friend hasn’t always been easy, but really, some of the most worthwhile and growth-enhancing relationships we can enjoy will often have these ups and downs. For me, though, the insights I gained through an understanding of natal astrology and the astrology of synastry helped me to live through some of the darker times with the assurance that it was worth the effort. That’s one of the benefits of synastry. Another benefit is an insight into what form the downside of a relationship might take. That knowledge can make it possible for us to act in the way most likely to mitigate those downsides, but it can also allow us to make an informed decision about when to continue to invest effort into a relationship and when it might be better to cut our losses.
I don’t base all my decisions about relationships on astrology, but it certainly is nice to have that extra help at times!
Do you have questions about synastry? About what it means for your Mars to be next to his Venus? Leave them here!
Don’t forget! My astrology rates go up in two weeks, September 23 – Jennifer
Using Astrology to Understand Relationships (by Julie St. John)
You may remember Julie St. John from her excellent series of posts on gender, language and power. Julie has a Ph.D. in linguistics but is also an astrologer! (We meet for lunch about once a month to talk “charts.”) Julie focuses mostly on “synastry,” which compares the charts of two people to determine their compatibility. In this post, Julie explains the basics.
There’s something about ….
“Be still my heart!”
“BFF!”
“She makes my skin crawl!”
“Who?”
Have you ever met someone you were instantly attracted to? Do you have a best friend you can talk to for hours about anything and everything? Is there a co-worker who raises your hackles, and you can’t quite put your finger on why? We often have very strong reactions to the people we encounter in life. Sometimes those strong reactions persist, and we may form long-lasting, important relationships, and sometimes they just fade away and we’re left wondering what on earth we were thinking. Then there are other people in our lives who we might interact with on a regular basis who never really register on our personal radar. They’re there, they may be nice or they may be cranky, but they’re just not significant in any real way to us (presumably they’re quite significant to others – just not to us).
Sometimes when we have a really, really strong reaction to someone, we wonder, “Why? What is it about that person that affects me so?” Usually, if we’re honest, it’s not because they’re the most physically attractive person in the room or the most talented or the richest, or any of the other reasons that society tells us that we’re supposed to be attracted to people. There’s just something about them that speaks to us. While I had noticed this phenomenon to a greater or lesser extent throughout my life, I really became interested in pursuing the answer to “Why” a few years ago, when I developed an overpowering attraction to someone who didn’t at all fit the template that society suggested was correct for me.
Luckily, when I had that “whoa” reaction, I had a place to turn for an answer: Astrology. I had studied astrology for many years, and through it, I had gained a lot of insight into my own particular quirks and talents, my foibles and my strengths. Astrology is really great for that! I also had gained some insights into how I reacted to people and how they were likely to perceive me. That knowledge gave me some understanding of the men I had been attracted to in the past, and it helped me understand a little what I found appealing about this particular man. When I looked at his chart, I could understand to a certain extent his reaction to me as well. And he did have a strong reaction to me, too, even though I didn’t fit the mold that society had recommended for him either.
So there I was: I had a partial explanation but not a particularly satisfying one. Yes, I could see in my chart how someone like him would be attractive to me, but it didn’t really illuminate the depth and strength and immediacy of my reaction to him. In order to find that illumination, I had to explore a branch of astrology that I hadn’t delved into before: The astrology of relationships, called synastry. If you’ve ever read anything about which Sun signs you’re supposed to get along with and which ones you should avoid, you’ve come into contact with a very simplified form of synastry. That simplified version can give us some help, but just as our natal chart can tell us much more about ourselves than just knowing our Sun sign can, so, too, can a more in-depth look at synastry, one that compares all the planets in one person’s chart to all the planets in the other person’s chart, give us a clearer understanding of our relationships.
Synastry on this deeper level is a way of comparing the charts of two people in order to understand how they relate to each other, what the strengths of a relationship might be and what the pitfalls might be. The comparison shows what the participants in a relationship trigger in each other and how the relationship is likely to play out. It can illuminate whether a relationship will be long-lasting or whether it will flare brightly but only briefly. It’s not just useful for romantic relationships, either: it can give us insights into relationships with our friends, our co-workers, our employers or our family members, too.
In my case, what I learned when I looked at a comparison of my chart and my friend’s was that we triggered some very sensitive and important areas in each other’s lives. His planets touched the planets in my chart that were at the heart of some of the lessons I most needed to learn, and the same was true for him. As it turned out, we weren’t destined to have a long-lasting romantic involvement (although that attraction could be found in our charts, where his Mars touched my Venus and my Sun touched his Venus and Moon, for example). What we have instead is a friendship that has had a profound and long-lasting impact on each of our lives (my personal planets contact his Saturn and his contact my Pluto). We have at times read each other’s minds (Mars contacts Neptune in both charts) and at times confused each other mightily (same thing!), but we have both found value in our attempts to understand each other, and that has led each of us to a greater understanding of ourselves.
My relationship with my friend hasn’t always been easy, but really, some of the most worthwhile and growth-enhancing relationships we can enjoy will often have these ups and downs. For me, though, the insights I gained through an understanding of natal astrology and the astrology of synastry helped me to live through some of the darker times with the assurance that it was worth the effort. That’s one of the benefits of synastry. Another benefit is an insight into what form the downside of a relationship might take. That knowledge can make it possible for us to act in the way most likely to mitigate those downsides, but it can also allow us to make an informed decision about when to continue to invest effort into a relationship and when it might be better to cut our losses.
I don’t base all my decisions about relationships on astrology, but it certainly is nice to have that extra help at times!
Do you have questions about synastry? About what it means for your Mars to be next to his Venus? Leave them here!
Don’t forget! My astrology rates go up in two weeks, September 23 – Jennifer