You can’t pick your family but you can pick your friends

Last November, Karen Jo Shapiro, a licensed psychologist who practices as a leadership, career and personal development coach, shared her wisdom on taking care of ourselves. In this post, she looks at interpersonal relationships. Be sure to read her other posts on physical, mental and emotional self-care.

The people we choose to spend time with reflect and determine how we will feel about ourselves and our lives. Do we surround ourselves with companions that are nurturing, trustworthy, energizing and fun? Or do we allow ourselves to be led into relationships where we feel used, drained, resentful, or bored? Although we can’t pick our family, we can pick our friends—yet do you mindfully pay attention to whom you give your best time and energy to?

Even in the family system, we can choose how much to share and how to protect ourselves based on how that relationship makes us feel. If we are being criticized by a family member, we can speak up, make a stronger boundary with this person, or just internally let ourselves minimize the impact of their words.

In the workplace, do we keep ourselves safe? If we are with a boss who doesn’t support us, do we keep looking for non-forthcoming approval? Do we share appropriately or tell too much? Do we keep ourselves safe in personal relationships, choosing only trustworthy people for confidences?

Today, take a mental inventory of the people you spend time with, whether on a voluntary basis or required. As you go through each mental image, notice how you feel inside- peaceful, happy, and energized…. Or drained, frustrated, disenchanted? Perhaps a combination of both? Your visceral responses to people are important indicators from your inner being.

Choose people who make you feel safe, lighthearted, content and hopeful. Watch out for people with whom you feel distrustful, drained, overwhelmed, or generally unhappy.

Surrounding yourself with great company is a gift to yourself, and to them.

BIO
Karen Jo Shapiro is a licensed psychologist who practices as a leadership, career, and personal development coach. In her private practice, Your Next Steps Coaching, (www.ynscoaching.com), she works with individuals and groups, both in person and by phone, as well as lead workshops, ongoing groups, and trainings. She is especially interested in helping women to succeed in their dreams (whether career transition, entrepreneurial, artistic or other), build strong relationships with other women, and take care of themselves.

She is also on adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership and a member of the Guilford County Non-Profit Consortium.

Karen Jo is a mother of a 14-year-old girl and 9-year-old boy. She is the author of two children’s poetry books by Charles bridge. (www.kjshapiro.com)